Laura’s Words: Coping With Covid
In our latest contributed blog, Laura* shares how she’s been dealing with lockdown and an ongoing recovery journey.
Back in early March, none of us could have predicted that our lives would be turned upside down almost overnight.
I was eagerly counting down the days until I moved into my first home on my own. This was very nearly postponed for 3+ months.
I was very fortunate that the move went ahead as planned, but on my second night in the house it was announced that the country would be in lockdown for the foreseeable future.
What did this mean for me?
Well, I am very lucky that my job could be done remotely from home, and therefore my spare bedroom was set up as an office.
I had my own space and could keep going and establish my ‘new normal’.
What I didn’t realise was that the change in routine and lack of control would affect me in more ways than I could have ever imagined.
I thrived off my busy schedule, which rarely gave me time to dwell on negative thoughts.
Each day would be well structured, and this wouldn’t leave any time for overthinking.
I was functioning and coping well with my fast-paced lifestyle, but this came grinding to a halt in the blink of an eye.
I suddenly felt out of control with the fact that we were in a global pandemic and my life was very different to that of a few weeks ago.
More time to think, coupled with trying to regain control, led me to take some steps backwards in my recovery from an eating disorder.
Upon reflection, I was doing well with my recovery, and although things were hard, I was coping well with everyday life.
It felt like someone had put up a brick wall in front of me, and I began picking up old habits which I’d managed to leave behind.
I become fixated on food once again and was struggling with body image.
After having buried some of these emotions a long time ago, they were unearthed by the feeling of not being in control.
With the help of therapy, which moved to over the phone rather than face to face, I have managed to get myself back on track, and now feel confident I can get through the rest of lockdown without falling into bad habits.
I hope this will be a good lesson for me that I only appear to be functioning when I feel fully in control.
I know deep down that this is something I need to work on in the long run, but for now I am just concentrating on getting through each day and not running back to my ED.
I am working towards accepting that it is okay not to feel okay.
My journey is ongoing!
*We respectfully avoid revealing the full names of those who share their stories, if they wish us to do so.
- May 2020