Take Heed. Choose Health. A Plea From Our Founder
Another first person blog for you, and this time it’s from the pen of Debbie, our founder.
This week, she found the historic battle with her eating disorder coming into sharp focus, as she learned of a medical diagnosis.
You know what I wish I could give every single one of you who is battling an eating disorder?
I wish I could gift you a crystal ball.
Nope. Not just any ordinary crystal ball, but one that’s designed to put into technicolour focus what the good, bad and ugly of your life will look like if you continue to be abused by this fiend of an illness.
You see, none of us are great at facing up to the ‘potential consequences’ of something we can’t fully visualise.
When we’re told of risks, of possible losses, of likely scenarios – something inside us still rails against the mere idea, and finds it all too comfortable to sink back into the path of least resistance.
And where that path is the treacherous one of an eating disorder….well, it can only lead one way.
I’m reminded of this from a position of frustrated regret this week, because, for me, aspects of my past self-neglect caught up with me.
Having spent months in excruciating pain, and gone through a variety of scans, tests and checks, I now have confirmation that my 42 year old body is dealing with a fracture my consultant assures me is rarely seen in women under the age of 70.
Yes, my depressingly poor bone health has culminated in a fractured pelvis (or, if you really want to be picky about it – TWO fractures of the pelvis).
Not one tear or tantrum is going to do a darned thing about reversing that reality, but, at the very least, I can articulate my experience and emotions in some crumb of hope that it reminds one or two of you that your almighty body can only take so much.
I look back now on the times I watched others enjoying real butter, delicious cheese, full fat milk and decent creamy yoghurt – only to tell myself that those things were not ‘meant for me’ and that I ‘did not have permission’ to ‘indulge’ as I might see it.
I remember envying milkshakes, refusing ‘real hot chocolates’ and crying over a bowl of custard, which had been served up by a desperate and broken hearted parent.
And what for?
Why would I deny myself all these nutrient-rich bone-boosting high-calcium (and flipping tasty) foods, just to stay in a malnourished body and a brain too starved to think straight or enjoy life?
Because eating disorder.
Because that vile soundtrack of restriction and repulsion felt louder and more worthy of obeying than anything or anyone.
And what’s more, while we hear that soundtrack spinning, and we allow that narrative to play like infuriating and relentless cruel chatter in our ear, we don’t have the luxury of a crystal ball or a more noisy ‘ghost from Christmas future’ to plead with us not to sacrifice our brighter prospects.
Of course, we all know navel gazing achieves no gain, so I simply want you to hear my words today, and to please, please PLEASE recognise the gauntlet you are choosing to run.
Health and happiness beats denial and deprivation every single time.
Whether it’s marriage you want, a career, the ability to travel, the chance to have a family, or just to be a sociable butterfly among those who love you…there is no place for an eating disorder.
Imagine today I have gifted you your free personal crystal ball. Take heed. Go well. Choose recovery.
- Jan 2021