What if I’ve forgotten who I was before this?
As beautiful as the vision of your recovered self might be, have you ever found yourself wondering ‘who’ you’ll find when you get there?
Depending at what age you first began to descend into your eating disorder world, and for how long you remained, there, it’s natural that you might start to wonder ‘who was I’, ‘who am I’, ‘who will I be on the other side’.
One of the worst things about a mental health illness, is that it can often turn into being the characteristic by which you feel defined.
You’ll know that there are certain friends and family members who come to associate you with your eating disorder and with your battle for wellness.
You’ll know there are those you’ve met in your state of compromised wellness, who have judged or labelled you in recognition of your physical stature.
So what WILL you be when you choose to recover?
Will you be the person you were before, or someone altogether different?
And does it matter if the person you become has no bearing on the individual you were pre-illness?
Eating disorders have a very devious way of telling sufferers that they are intrinsic to the person, and yet, we must remind ourselves that they are nothing more than the ‘rucksack’ we can choose to shed and never collect again.
Your job is only to focus on getting well and maintaining care for yourself, not to obsess about who you might become and what others will perceive of this ‘shift’.
Indeed, you may find you are less accepted by some in your current circle.
You may find you no longer relate to certain friendship groups or colleagues in ways you once felt able to.
At the same time, you may find your stronger, healthier, contented self, is attracted to different friendships, personalities, experiences and activities.
For all these reasons, this is a period of change and challenge to be embraced wholeheartedly.
Yes, it’s scary, as the unknown always is.
Yes, there will be those who may turn out to have been ‘happier with who you were’.
But stay focused on the need to be playing your own game in this wonderful world. It’s you who gets to design the path for your future. It’s you who has battled for years with your illness and its stranglehold, so at the least, you deserve the kind of life which looks good to you.
If you’re struggling with feeling defined by your eating disorder and want some help in dealing with that, bear in mind that we have devised various initiatives with this in mind.
Our Talent Match portal is there as an ideal way for helping you to dip into creative and professional practices which could serve you by way of ‘validation’ of a skill you have.
We also run workshops and talks which very much allow your brain to think about new crafts, challenges, aspirations, opportunities and ‘scary as heck’ quests, which may well be part of your healthier future.
If we can help you with this, feel free to drop us an email at firstname.lastname@example.org
- Aug 2019